it was June 2004 and in one way it seems like a billion years ago while the next it feels like only yesterday. I was sitting in between Dustin and my sister Sue and we were at Melissa's (my neice from my sister Sue) dance recital. I was just almost 20 weeks pregnant and following a 1:10 risk of my baby having Down syndrome I had just had an amniocentisis. I was most excited as I had found out my baby was a little girl - I had always hoped someday after my son was born that I would have a little girl and I could not have been happier. And although I knew no matter what I would not terminate, I surely had not come to terms at that point nor did I want my daughter to have Down syndrome. And all of a sudden all of these beautiful little girls dressed in full ballerina costume came out on stage and my heart just fell, like a ton of bricks weighing me down heavier than I had ever felt. It was at that moment that tears just started streaming down my face as I realized if my daughter did indeed have Down syndrome, then I would never get to see her dance on that stage or any stage like that. It broke my heart in a million pieces as that was the one thing I was so excited about having a little girl. And I just knew if she did have Down syndrome she would never be able to dance.....
Here I am in 2009 and amazed by all that I thought Lily would never do..... Tomorrow is a huge day in not only Lily's life, but in my life as well. Tomorrow is the first day of Lily's first dance class! Yes, Lily is going to dance! And I have to tell you when we went to the studio to sign her up, she was more than mad that she was not going to dance that day! I know come tomorrow Lily is going to dance her heart out! Now she may pitch a fit leaving, but she is going to dance nonetheless!!!! Looking back I can't believe I thought she would never dance, but then again there was so much I did not know and that is ok. I did not know Lily then and all that she would become. I just want others to know out there that may not know yet either, that the possibilities are endless. That our children are only limited by our own limits that we naively believe. Lily has amazed me in so many ways, she is so much more like normal than different. Sometimes it is almost surreal to go back and see what I believed before I had Lily. Not that it is bad - I just believe that until you are there you truly cannot possibly understand. Which may be why I have more tolerance for ignorance than some people. But, I do know until you have walked in shoes that you have never walked in - how could you truly know what those shoes might feel like?
Tomorrow is a glorious day! Just yesterday she was in the hospital and tomorrow she dances.... Who could ever ask for more?
I am a single mom to two wonderful children! Dustin, 22, who is grown and on his own and Lily who is 5 years old and blessed with something extra also known as Down syndrome. Lily has amazed us in more ways than we can count and has beat many odds and is my little miracle! I feel so blessed God chose me to parent both of my childen! I have also just recently moved and have taken a new job that I am passionate about! I hope to be able to make a difference for children and youth with special health care needs. This blog is the beginning of my shared journey with the world. If I can make a difference in just one life then it was all worth it!