My Hero...

So hard to believe we are now on a new journey.... Today was the first day of Kindergarten for Lily, almost surreal. I didn't cry at the school, but
t, started to well up while making her first lunch and packing it in the cute Tink lunchbox I picked out... She wanted the Spiderman lunchbox. I snuck back and got Tink, hopefully it won't be one of those things I regret doing later on. She seems to have gotten over it just fine now! I took her to school and they had the parents stay until they took them on a bus ride. She didn't really want to sit in the circle with the other children, so I sat with her. The teacher has a daily question and today it was "Are you excited for the first day of school?". She went around and asked everyone and Lily was 1 of 4 who said "no", I was expecting it! She had been so excited, but it was a big adjustment with alot of people and alot of strangers. I left when she went on the bus and through the bus window we signed to eachother "I love you" and kisses! So tough to leave today and let her begin this next journey. It feels so scary and helpless to send her out alone in the big world. A world that may not always embrace her the way I do.... But, I have to somehow let go of the fear so I can allow her to become whoever it is she wants to be. I don't want to see her get any bigger, I just want to keep her my little girl forever. Yet, time is not on my side. So, I pray that you will always be protected and safe when I cannot be there. My heart is so full of love for you that at times I feel it could explode when I look at you. I am so proud of you and you amaze me in every way. I love you baby girl, my sassy princess.... Thank you for being my daughter and teaching me all the things I would have never learned otherwise. My world is brighter and more colorful because of you. I love you, you are my hero....

Faith

Today it hit me.... With the Buddy Walk just around the corner and not having as many people able to join us as I had hoped, I realized how tough it is at times to do this thing alone. I have come to terms with Lily having Down syndrome for the most part. You know it's a process of acceptance and some days are easier than others. But, I was thinking about how important this walk is to me and how much it means to me today. I was feeling a little sad that I didn't have anyone to share that with. I know my family loves Lily and everything, but I don't know that anyone else besides another parent of a child with a disability could truly understand. I wanted this day to be as important to everyone as it is to me and I had to accept that it is not. That was truly tough. I understand this is my life and everyone else has their own life. I just felt sad that I did not have a partner who would have shared with me the meaning of what this day holds for me. I missed out on having that support from the beginning and I wished I could have had that. I will never know what it would have been like to go through all those emotions together. Having someone who could share Lily's life with me and get where I am coming from. Maybe it could happen still, I don't know. I am a strong woman and I will be okay. I was just hoping we were going to have a really big team and all the people we love and care about could have supported us. Tough to know the support system is not so big. I am a strong woman, I have to accept this and realize it's okay, I can get through this and I will. I can shed a tear and wipe it off and get back up again and show the world it doesn't matter. A team of 2 or 4 or 6 will be all we need and someday I won't walk alone. I have faith.....